Getting Started: Helpful Information and Resources For Parents

Playing a Supporting Role:

Ways You Can Be a Part of Your Loved One’s Recovery

Come to an agreement on the recovery approach that you and your treatment team have developed:

   -Accept different levels of understanding. Be kind and sensitive to each other

   -Disagreements about how to help can be a big obstacle

   -Parents can inspire hope for each other

   -Remember that in early recovery you'll hear more from the Eating Disorder than you will from your loved one.  

  - Keep in mind that motivation is often not high (especially with adolescents)

Learn all that you can

   -Seek additional resources and information

   -Speak to a knowledgeable physician (don’t be afraid to ask him/her about their experience treating eating disorders)

  - Educate yourself about how people with eating disorders think and behave, what motivates them to do the things they do 

Share your observations of your child's current behaviors and symptoms

   -Any contributing problems or conflicts?

   -Any strengths and abilities?

Keep in contact with the treatment team

   -Ask questions, get feedback

In the beginning, discuss what to expect

   -Review what to expect during early recovery

   -Discuss different stages: improvements, symptoms

   -Agree on how and when to be updated

Have a backup plan

   -If progress is stalled, discuss next step

Keep your child in treatment

   -Your loved one’s motivation may be very low. Encourage, support, or insist (especially minors) that they attend treatment sessions

   -You may have to work with your child's school to excuse from classes to attend treatment

   -Make it a priority to attend requested sessions, loved one’s education/support meetings

Take the Eating Disorder Seriously

   -Understand that this is a serious medical and psychiatric illness

   -This is not an instance of taking dieting "too far"--this is truly an illness

   -Understand that it is not a matter of being good or bad, strong or weak. Blaming, guilting, and pleading will not work; just as you can't blame, guilt or plead someone out of having cancer

It's not your fault!
  -Eating disorders are diseases and are not caused by friends, family, or even the individual. So discard the notion that you caused the problem. 
  -Accept that this is stressful

   -Give yourself time to absorb the problem and process your feelings

   -Try to alleviate any anxiety or guilt that is keeping you from contributing to your child's return to health--if you feel guilty and responsible for causing the eating disorder, you will likely also feel hopeless and inadequate when facing the task of trying to help your child change his or her eating behaviors. Once you have accepted that the eating disorder is not anyone's fault, you can be freed to take action that is honest and not clouded.

Holding Family Up

   -Save yourself from your child's problem overwhelming you--take care of yourself too! Build coping strategies to lessen the impact that the illness has

   -Focus on the solution, not the problem

   -Do not focus on the details of the eating disorder behaviors-- Instead, focus on their day, how the person is feeling.  Talk about feelings. Getting the feelings out is a huge step in recovery. It's ok to share your feelings too. Be honest with the person and let them know how their eating disorder is affecting your life. Try using "I statements" and speak from your own experiences. Rather than stating "you're too thin" or "your hurting yourself", tell the person how you feel: "I'm worried and I feel that I'm losing you". Avoid assigning blame, and remember eating disorders are illnesses and not a matter of willpower.

  - Have fun together as a family in a setting that does not revolve around food (movies, bowling, games, art events etc.)

Miscellaneous Tips for Families 

  - Consult your dietician about any food or exercise related issues.  Do not attempt to resolve these issues on your own.   

   -Get rid of scales. This doesn't mean just hid them. Actually, throw them away. To someone with an eating disorder the number on the scale can become a way to determine how much to eat or how to feel ("good" or "bad" about themselves). Weighing can become an unhealthy obsession. The number on the scale is another way for individuals with eating disorders to look outside themselves (externally) for answers.

   -Don't comment on appearances. This is true even when you think it's a compliment. Something like "you look healthy", or even "you're so thin", can be twisted around and distorted in the mind of someone with an eating disorder. Try to avoid these comments at all times.

   -Keep a wide variety of foods around the house. Being an intuitive eater means figuring out what is being craved during the times of hunger. The more variety is available, the better chance the craving can be identified and satisfied.  It is important to consider taste preferences and meal options while shopping at the grocery store.

   -Don't buy diet foods. These are very triggering and tempting to individuals with eating disorders. They feed into eating disordered thoughts and behaviors. Plus, they are generally unsatisfying.

   -Challenge traditional beliefs about food: Avoid labeling food as "good" or "bad". Food is food. It has no moral value. ALL foods have nutritional value because every food is made up of carbohydrates, protein, and/or fat that our bodies need to function properly. 

Helpful Books For Parents:

The Parent's Guide to Eating Disorders by Marcia Herrin & Nancy Matsumoto

Help Your Teenage Beat an Eating Disorder by James Lock and Daniel le Grange

Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer with Thom Rutledge

Other Helpful Resources for Parents and Loved Ones

National Eating Disorder Association

Something-Fishy.org